Another Glimpse At Eli
by NightStalkerBlackRaspberry
Summary: Eli continues to ditch class and avoid Clare, what was going on in his head, nobody knows. Read, review if you'd like? The summary is the thing that captures the reader, I just can't think of a good one.
1. Chapter 1

I look around me quickly to see if anyone is watching, the halls appear empty. I push open the front door of the school, just before English. I take quickly to getting into my car and back carefully out of my spot. I double check behind me even though school was still in session and there was likely no one else in the parking lot. I take a sharp right from the parking lot, starting the short two minute drive to my house. My dad would be at work so I wouldn't get grief for ditching school early from him. I turn my key in the lock and enter my house.

The first thing I do, after relocking the door, is go into the kitchen for something to snack on. Hey, teenage boy has to eat, right? I grab an apple off the shelf in the fridge and sit down to watch some television. Moments later I shut it off because apparently today was "everything has to be about relationships" day. I finish my apple and throw the core out. I sulk back into the couch again and lean my head back.

Why am I such a jerk? I think to myself, mentally punching myself in the face for hurting her. It's not that I don't like her, more than in a normal friendly way. Honestly, I do, I just don't deserve her. Whenever bright, intelligent, blue eyed Clare wanders into my mind, my brain screams two things at once. Sort of like the angel and devil on my shoulders. The angel is screaming "Get away, you don't want to hurt her like you did the last." and the devil, "Kiss her, make it worth the time for you." I know the angel is right, but it kills me every time I have to push her away. It takes nearly all my strength to say the hash things I do. Self control is a strong point I obviously have, yet despise because would like to kiss her, if only once more.

Why did I have to suggest sharing a one final kiss, for our project. If I had never kissed her I would know how great it made me feel. It made me feel like everything was going to be alright, but it wasn't. What's done is done, you can't bring back the dead. Joining is always an option, but I wasn't like that. I have a dark reputation, but suicide, isn't my style. Who even knows what goes on after death. I can practically hear Saint Clare saying, "You either go to Heaven or you go to Hell." Even her kind voice giving me advice on death, wouldn't help. Because I know where I am going if that is how death goes, last I checked murder was a sin, so straight to hell with me. Julia on the other hand would be up above in Heaven.

I hope she is happy with whatever has become of her, maybe we just die, and that's it. I don't know, I just know it isn't the same as life. I refuse to be happy when she can't. I sigh deeply to myself and get myself another apple, taking a large bite out of it.

What will tomorrow bring? I sit realizing that I can't keep skipping English forever, or can I? No, I want to graduate on time, failing also wasn't my style. Maybe I would just go to English tomorrow and do what I did the previous day, and act as if I couldn't care less about her. I guess I have to, right? I should stop asking myself these questions, if I knew the answers I wouldn't have to ask. I am just giving myself a headache.

I rub my right temple and find the small white bottle full of headache killing goodness and dump two orange pills into my left hand, cupping the right I fill it with sink water to wash down the pills. I swallow hard and dry my hands.

I refill the dent in the couch and grab the remote once more. I start flicking through channels and find some strange talk show, thing. There is a guy talking, I haven't a clue what about, because I am too distracted by his hands. He was making strange shapes and gestures, I smile to hide my personal pain.

I return my attention to back to changing channels, nothing appears to be interesting so I turn it off, and go to my room. I look through my closet and choose an outfit for the next day. I pull out a black long sleeve shirt with three buttons, black jeans purposely stained with bleach, and a thick black leather vest with zippers. I find a dark brown wrist band with a snap and put it with the clothes. I spend the next five minutes debating with myself whether to wear my black boots or black skate shoes. I go with the skate shoes, which I happen to be wearing now.

I feel bad about abandoning my group on such short notice, we did the three person part already, though. All that was left was the editing, they could handle that on their own, they are both smart. I try to shake the guilt, but it sticks with me. Clare deserved better than me, I was hurting her, just like K.C. did I need more proof than that as to why she deserved better? I groan when I realize I started to question myself again.

I hear a rap at the door and immediately start to panic. I was supposed to be at school for another hour, there was no doubt that they would have already seen the giant black hearse in the driveway. I take a deep breath before unlocking it.

I yank at it roughly and see Clare standing there.

"Damn it, Adam," I say exhaling all the air in my lungs.


	2. Help me out?

Hey.

I just posted a poll, I could really use the help.

Check it out?

Thanks. J


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